


You healed my heart and my life

by killhimwithyourawesome



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Bullying, Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Sif and Thor being jerks, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-18
Updated: 2012-03-18
Packaged: 2017-11-02 02:59:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/364260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killhimwithyourawesome/pseuds/killhimwithyourawesome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Are you sure you two are brothers? You look nothing alike!"</p>
<p>He was 12 and Thor was going to be 14 in a few weeks when Sif pointed it out. For the first time Loki was different, it was the first time Loki and Thor noticed. they had no response, because they didn't know anymore. They had always been told they were brothers, and Thor insisted after a stunned pause that of course they were! But everything they knew began to crack then.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You healed my heart and my life

**Author's Note:**

> Another Teen!Verse Loki based off the song The Call by Shinedown

He was 12 before he realized he was different. Of course he had always noticed the physical differences; Thor was tall, muscular and blond like father while he was small, thin and sickly with black hair that didn't match any one in his family. He didn't think much of it when he was younger and his days were simpler, and Thor didn't seem to mind his baby brother tagging along.

"Are you sure you two are brothers? You look nothing alike!"

He was 12 and Thor was going to be 14 in a few weeks when Sif pointed it out. For the first time Loki was different, it was the first time Loki and Thor noticed. they had no response, because they didn't know anymore. They had always been told they were brothers, and Thor insisted after a stunned pause that of course they were! But everything they knew began to crack then.

Loki was 14 when he discovered that, no, he was not Thor's brother. There had been a man in the newspaper, a murder, and when Loki questioned at him both his parents seemed to momentarily panic. Despite their answer Loki knew the truth.

Eventually they caved, pulled him aside and told him his story. About Norway and finding Loki in his dying mother's arms. He was the son of a serial killer and one of his victims, and they took him and fled to the states for his safety.

"But that doesn't matter. You're our son Loki."

But he wasn't. He was the consequence of a sin. Somehow word got out, and soon Loki couldn't leave his room without constant torture from other kids, Thor's friends at the forefront.

And Thor did nothing but watch. Like he thought Loki deserved it. He was 14 and he had lost his best friend.

It wasn't even a year later he cut himself for the first time. The first slit was an accident, he was cleaning off his walls with a razor and accidentally cut himself. The second one that happened later with a cleaner razor was on purpose. The pain hit him in his heart, gave Loki a feeling he hadn't felt in a while. With his blood flowing, he felt somewhat alive. It made his disappointment, his betrayal, every sorrow and lie just go away for a moment. The demons in his head went still, and he could breathe easier.

This continued for a while, but soon enough the relief it brought left him with just the addiction to a blade at his skin. It did nothing more than feed the addiction, and he was 16 when Thor found out. They had been arguing, like they just did these days, when Thor saw the bandage. He was furious, trying to get a hold of it, see what was below and it drove Loki to the brink.

"Why? It isn't your business Thor."

"Is this truly how you intend to pay Mother and Father back for all they've done for you? For taking pity on you and raising you? You will just cause them-"

Loki cut him off with a firm punch to his cheek, catching Thor off guard just enough to set him off balance. He stumbled, and when he looked back up Loki was half way up the stairs, glaring daggers at the blond.

"I don't want pity. They had to have taken me for a different purpose. I'd rather they let me freeze that night."

He was up the stairs and safely behind his locked door before Thor had the where-with-all to chase him. He turned on his stereo and turned it up to drown out Thor before going into his bathroom.

His first suicide attempt was with a bottle of medication, and ended with his stomach committing anarchy. He passed out after that, waking up in a hospital bed with Thor beside him, promising the mythological entities he'd be a better brother if Loki would live.

Thor was true to his word, but Loki didn't care. He stopped caring the night he took a bottle of pills, maybe even the night he cut himself for the very first time. He could not argue Thor's genuine affection, but the thought that it was inspired by his almost death chilled him to the core. No one loved him of their own intent in his world.

They began at a new school, and Loki caught his first glimpse of Tony. He later learned it was typical of a human to be drawn to him, like planets around the sun they circle but never touch. Tony touched him. Tony went out of his way to meet the underclass man with the sad eyes and pale skin.

He reached out and took Loki's hand, tried desperately to touch Loki's heart. Even after a year of this, after admitting love and all the kisses and sex…

Loki set his phone down on the counter, it singing that silly chime it made when it turned off. He had sent his finally goodbye to his friend… His Tony. His wrists stung, fresh blood running down his arms but Loki paid it no heed. He took a deep breath, pulling his hair out from in front of his face, staring at himself one last time.

"Well… I guess this is it." he looked back down at his phone, the neatly folded note to his family beside it, and the razor still lined in his blood. He slid open the drawer, pulling out the handgun he got out of his "father's" closet that morning. He spun the barrel, watching each bullet as it clicked by. He looked back into the mirror.

"I suppose my only regret would be that I left Tony alone… That I actually fell in love with someone," he chuckled sadly. "Ah well…" he raised the barrel to his temple, feeling the cold metal against his skin. His body trembled, but his hand was still. "Goodbye…"

"Loki!"

His eyes flashed open and he nearly dropped the gun, spinning on his geeks to stare wide eyed at Tony as the older teen pulled himself through the bedroom window.

"H-h-how…"

Tony stood quickly, eyes wide and so very frightened. "Fuck. Loki… Loki…" he sounded terrified, lost, and it was all too much for the teen to handle. He set the gun down, and instantly Tony was pulling him into his arms.

"Loki… No. Please. Godfuck I…. I can't loose you Loki. I cannot loose you. You are my… My everything! You cannot… " he pulled away and looked into Loki's eyes, And Loki swore he saw tears. "I love you. And I'm… So fucking scared to think about what I could have found. Dammit Loki please let me help…"

With that Loki finally, for the first time since he was a boy, began to cry. And Tony held him through it.


End file.
